I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
