it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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