I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
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He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
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It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
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