what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
