I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
