i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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