i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
im six kinds of drunk right now
In America we eat man semen.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
