This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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