I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Soap is not a condiment
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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