I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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