FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
