Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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