My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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