true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
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