Texts From Last Night

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  (563): View more from Iowa

  My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood

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  (563): My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood http://tfl.nu/k7f1
  Replies (1) Good night (1140) Bad night (1655)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.

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  (412): I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here. http://tfl.nu/0gmn
  Replies (8) Good night (2491) Bad night (952)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.

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  (702): He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form. http://tfl.nu/7sev
  Replies (54) Good night (736) Bad night (5331)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.

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  (828): As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance. http://tfl.nu/tng6
  Replies (85) Good night (9354) Bad night (1261)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?

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  (419): How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles? http://tfl.nu/1dpq
  Replies (12) Good night (1481) Bad night (4306)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.

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  (402): Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown. http://tfl.nu/l3ul
  Replies (49) Good night (2289) Bad night (5342)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.

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  (570): I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse. http://tfl.nu/2dei
  Replies (8) Good night (3090) Bad night (1543)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  he ran through my sliding door

  (1-815): View more from Illinois

  in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers

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  (815): he ran through my sliding door (1-815): in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers http://tfl.nu/3l97
  Replies (5) Good night (2232) Bad night (539)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.

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  (252): I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time. http://tfl.nu/viaw
  Replies (1) Good night (1195) Bad night (567)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out

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  (519): Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out http://tfl.nu/ezsq
  Replies (18) Good night (2256) Bad night (502)
• Favorite

  (816): View more from Missouri

  The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.

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  (816): The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud. http://tfl.nu/cdmp
  Replies (5) Good night (2760) Bad night (330)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell

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  (201): Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell http://tfl.nu/payj
  Replies (5) Good night (2561) Bad night (353)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.

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  (256): So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar. http://tfl.nu/pwn2
  Replies (0) Good night (425) Bad night (191)
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  (714): View more from California

  Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.

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  (714): Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying. http://tfl.nu/nfjo
  Replies (4) Good night (602) Bad night (319)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too

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  (205): You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too http://tfl.nu/0dl3
  Replies (5) Good night (540) Bad night (234)

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