Texts From Last Night

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  (850): View more from Florida

  when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.

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  (850): when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move. http://tfl.nu/4rb4
  Replies (27) Good night (838) Bad night (3309)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk

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  (845): Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk http://tfl.nu/am6s
  Replies (40) Good night (5330) Bad night (1183)
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  (318): View more from Louisiana

  Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.

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  (318): Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity. http://tfl.nu/izk8
  Replies (66) Good night (675) Bad night (4819)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad

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  (303): You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad http://tfl.nu/1udj
  Replies (13) Good night (1942) Bad night (5055)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".

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  (817): Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel". http://tfl.nu/2v56
  Replies (15) Good night (5285) Bad night (1151)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...

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  (503): I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here... http://tfl.nu/qb9a
  Replies (6) Good night (4425) Bad night (975)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.

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  (330): I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage. http://tfl.nu/ny20
  Replies (16) Good night (1786) Bad night (6338)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?

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  (715): His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him? http://tfl.nu/r9a3
  Replies (21) Good night (1372) Bad night (1767)
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  (914): View more from New York

  He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.

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  (914): He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck. http://tfl.nu/kvtv
  Replies (10) Good night (2645) Bad night (927)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate

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  (804): I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate http://tfl.nu/clkd
  Replies (6) Good night (1725) Bad night (668)
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  (212): View more from New York

  Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"

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  (212): Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you" http://tfl.nu/ok3w
  Replies (5) Good night (1549) Bad night (634)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.

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  (920): He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level. http://tfl.nu/rkz6
  Replies (1) Good night (540) Bad night (316)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it

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  (514): dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it http://tfl.nu/9328
  Replies (6) Good night (480) Bad night (906)
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  (408): View more from California

  My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.

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  (408): My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside. http://tfl.nu/vhza
  Replies (10) Good night (1358) Bad night (456)
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?

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  (770): i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today? http://tfl.nu/3ln3
  Replies (2) Good night (465) Bad night (283)

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