your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
