the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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