he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??