Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
These 23 Groupies Had The Most Insane Sexual Experiences With Celebs
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Can you repeat that, but with context?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all