Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
