my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
