Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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