the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize