Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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