He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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