What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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