I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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