I hate all girls vehemently.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
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He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
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If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
We had sex on a dog bed..
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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