I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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