i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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