So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
