she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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