I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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