Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
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the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
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Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Come share oat with me in your robe
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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