So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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