i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
