Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
