Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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