She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
