I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
