We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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