You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
