I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
