I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
