i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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