This is not my ceiling
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
