I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
