No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I could fuck to npr.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
