I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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