Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
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