you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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