fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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