I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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