I think im going to throw up on grandma
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
they're like a gay fantastic four
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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