Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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