This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
