if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
