I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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