the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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