she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
