Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize