There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
