Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
