She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
