I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
