took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
